Katy Perry is opening up about a rough time in her life when both her personal life and career weren't going as planned. In a new interview with SiriusXM's CBC Radio One, the 35-year-old singer said that after she briefly split from her now-fiance, Orlando Bloom, in 2017, and her album, Witness, fell short of expectations just a few months later, she struggled with her mental health.
"I lost my smile," she said about the difficult period. "I don't know if my smile was fully authentically mine, but I was riding on the high of a smile for a long time, which was, you know, the validation and love and admiration from the outside world and then that shifted."
"My career was on this trajectory when it was going up, up, and up, and then I had the smallest shift -- it wasn't that huge maybe from an outside perspective -- but for me it was seismic," she continued.
Perry said that she had trouble coping with the new feelings.
"I had given so much out, and it literally kind of broke me in half," she said. "I had broken up with my boyfriend, who is now my baby daddy-to-be, and then I was like, excited about flying high off the next record and the record didn't get me high anymore ... well, the validation didn't get me high. ... And so I crashed. I just crashed."
Looking back, Perry said the difficult period was a "necessary brokenness" she had to experience so that she could stop living her life like "a thirsty pop star." She also shared how she copes with negative emotions today.
"Gratitude is probably the thing that saved my life, because if I didn’t find that, I would have wallowed in my own sadness and probably just jumped," she said. "But I found the ways to be grateful. ... If things get really, really hard, when I'm in a shi**y mood -- which, I can swing -- I just walk around and go, 'I'm grateful, I'm grateful!’ Even though I am in a shi**y mood, I am grateful. And that's been my light at the end of the tunnel."
This isn't the first time Perry has opened up about having dark thoughts following a breakup. In a 2014 interview with Australian show The Project, she talked about the suicidal thoughts she referenced in the lyrics to her song, "By the Grace of God," which is about her 2011 divorce from Russell Brand. At one point in the song, Perry sings, "Couldn't take it anymore… I looked in the mirror and decided to stay / Wasn't gonna let love take me out that way."