Orbit vs. Chris Archer: Astros mascot's feud with Rays pitcher heats up

Chris Archer and Orbit
Chris Archer and Orbit (Houston Astros)

HOUSTON – Batman and the Joker. T-Swift and Kanye. Seinfeld and Newman. They are famous feuds that will go down in history. Now there is a new rivalry taking shape, and it's ramping up at Minute Maid Park this week.

On one side, you've got Tampa Bay Rays pitcher Chris Archer.


On the other, it's Houston Astros mascot Orbit.

The beef actually goes back a few years. In 2015, Orbit poked fun at Archer by claiming he and Jaden Smith were separated at birth. That was just the beginning.

From pranks on the field, to jabs on social media, the hilarious discord has played out between the two adversaries over several seasons.

Fast forward to Monday at Minute Maid Park (where the Astros smoked the Rays 14-7 BTW). That's when Archer took things to a whole new level. The ace issued a "Declaration of Unfriendliness" to the fluffy and facetious mascot.

The declaration reads as follows:

"A STATE OF DISCORD has existed between Chris Archer of the Tampa Bay Rays and Orbit of the Houston Astros.

Whereas GENERAL MISCHIEF and RASCALITY have been among ORBIT'S repeated trespasses, CHRIS ARCHER is hereby resolved to carry on a campaign of PRANKS, GAGS AND HIGH JINKS in retaliation which include, but are not limited to, use of objects such as:

Water balloons
Whipped pies
Silly string
Small motorized vehicles
Bubble gum
Hand-crafted signage

And any of the considerable resources of a MAJOR LEAGUE clubhouse."

Archer presented the declaration to Orbit on Monday. The mascot read it, then promptly crumpled it up into a ball.

The Rays tweeted a show of support for Archer, offering him "all the water balloons and silly string he requires" in his crusade against Orbit.

In response, the Astros simply tweeted "Oh." Perhaps because they are the best team in baseball, are focused on winning, and have all the confidence in the world in Orbit. (Have I mentioned this writer is a die-hard Astros fan?)

So how do these foes stack up? Here's the tale of tape:

CHRIS ARCHER (according to mlb.com)
Height: 6'2"
Weight: 195 lbs. (about 40 or 50 pounds more than his twin, Jaden Smith)
Age: 28

ORBIT (according to his website)
Height: Can you really put a measurement on FUN?
Weight: A lot less in outer space
Age: How long is a light-year?

The years-long feud may all come to a head tonight. Archer is slated to get the start. Orbit will have had a full 24 hours to stew over the declaration. There is no telling what could happen.

Game on.

Whose side are you on?

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