HOUSTON – After learning the TEXANS didn't interview their latest Quarterback before signing, I figure they didn't recognize him when he showed up at their offices. As a result, I have decided it's NOT HIM. It can't be.
Oh, he jumped right into a grocery store commercial with J.J. BUT THAT WAS SO we humans could see a face that appeared to be some guy named Brock. Bob McNair and his cohorts saw the commercial and said to a man "Yep, that's him".
The REAL OSWEILER DUDE is still in Montana working cattle at a dude and dudette ranch. He is pals with Brent Musberger, Ted Turner, and the other 3 people who live in That state.
The quarterback, or imposter, is EARL SCHAUB. Cousin of Matt and a one time valet parker for the Landry's restaurant chain. He was pressed into service when it became clear the 4 guys who played quarterback last year were all toast. Tom Savage is still with the team but he can't be that good because he has never done a commercial with J.J. or that guy who runs the stores. EARL is having a terrible season but his family is wealthy and they all know he's not really BROCK, THE TD DOC.
The LIONS ARE NEXT and they have a real QB FROM TEXAS, Matt Stafford. He is confident about reports he will throw at least 4 Td's against Houston. The paying customers are restless but since the locals still have a winning record they figure the TEAM IS UNIQUE. Imagine having NO QUARTERBACK and your team is still leading the division. I think EARL SCHAUB likes that.