The holidays can be hard when someone you love is missing.
That’s not a dramatic statement. It’s just true. Everything feels louder and brighter, while the absence feels heavier. What used to feel familiar can suddenly feel uncomfortable.
I’m writing this from personal experience. After our son Ethan passed away from cancer at age 12, the holidays didn’t stop coming, but they stopped feeling the same. The season didn’t break us, but it did change how we move through it.
If you’re heading into the holidays carrying grief, I don’t have answers. But I’ve learned a few things that have helped us get through. Maybe they’ll help you too.
You don’t have to feel how people expect you to feel
The holidays come with expectations. Be grateful. Be cheerful. Be okay.
You might not be.
You might feel sad one moment and fine the next. You might feel angry that the world keeps celebrating. You might laugh at a memory and then feel guilty for laughing.
None of that means you’re doing grief wrong.
Grief doesn’t follow a calendar. It doesn’t care what month it is. If all you can do some days is get through them, that’s enough.
It’s okay to change traditions or skip them
Traditions can be comforting. They can also hurt.
If a tradition feels heavy this year, you’re allowed to change it. Or pause it. Or skip it without explaining yourself.
Some families light a candle or set out a photo. Some don’t do anything at all. Some years you can handle it. Some years you can’t.
There’s no rule that says you have to push through something just because you always have.
Plan for the moments you know will be hard
Grief shows up without warning, but during the holidays, you usually know where it’s going to hit.
The empty chair. The family photo. A song you didn’t expect. A question someone didn’t think through before asking.
If you can, think ahead. Decide how long you want to stay somewhere. Decide who feels safe to sit near. Decide how you’ll leave if you need to.
Leaving early isn’t rude. Stepping outside isn’t dramatic. Taking a break isn’t failing.
It’s how you take care of yourself.
Let people help, even when it feels awkward
Grief is exhausting. The holidays add to that.
If someone offers to bring food, run an errand, or just sit with you, let them. You don’t have to host. You don’t have to talk. You don’t have to be “good company.”
And if you need to say no to invitations or conversations, you don’t owe a long explanation. “I’m not up for it this year” is enough.
Stay connected, but keep it simple
Grief can make you want to pull away, especially when everyone else seems to be celebrating.
Try not to disappear completely.
Connection doesn’t have to be a gathering or a party. It can be a text. A walk. Coffee with someone who knows when to stop talking.
Find people who aren’t scared of silence. People who don’t try to fix you. People who can say your loved one’s name without whispering it.
That matters.
One last thing
If the holidays hurt, it’s because love is still there.
Grief isn’t something you get over. It’s something you carry. And some seasons are heavier than others.
If this season feels like too much, you’re not weak. You’re not failing. You’re grieving.
And you don’t have to do it alone.
Grief Support Resources
If you or someone in your family needs extra support this holiday season, these Houston-area organizations can help.
Bo’s Place Free grief support groups for kids, teens, adults, and families. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to. Just being there is enough. bosplace.org 713-942-8339
The Harris Center for Mental Health and IDD Counseling and 24/7 crisis support. If emotions feel too big to manage, this is a place to start. theharriscenter.org | Crisis Line: 713-970-7000
United Way of Greater Houston / 2-1-1 Texas Help finding mental health services, housing, food, utilities, and financial support. Dial 2-1-1 anytime. unitedwayhouston.org
American Red Cross – Texas Gulf Coast Region Provides emotional support and grief counseling after traumatic loss, not just during disasters. redcross.org
Legacy Community Health Medical and mental health care, including grief support, even if you don’t have insurance. legacycommunityhealth.org
Mental Health America of Greater Houston Helps connect people with therapists, programs, and support groups focused on trauma recovery. mhahouston.org
If Kids Are Grieving Too
Kids grieve differently than adults. Some talk. Some don’t. Some act out. Some act like nothing happened.
All of that can be normal.
Kids don’t need perfect explanations. They need honesty, consistency, and safe places to feel what they’re feeling. If you’re unsure how to help, reaching out to people who do this work every day can make a difference.
About the author:
Brian Perry is a longtime KPRC employee and storyteller. He writes about hope, resilience, community, and pediatric cancer awareness, believing that even the smallest stories and acts of kindness can ripple outward and make a difference. He is also co-founder of Ethan’s Ohana, a nonprofit honoring his son.
More stories from Brian:
The raw truth about grief: what no one dares to tell you, but I will
As a cancer dad, the new Kinder Children’s Cancer Center gives me real hope
Beyond Breakfast Biscuits: A father’s emotional journey to the Chick-fil-A Headquarters