HOUSTON – “Are you looking for quality? Are you looking for comfort?” asked author Jacqui Goudeau.
What sounds like two girlfriends chatting about a new pair of shoes is anything but. The topic is dating and finding a forever partner. Goudeau said there's a definite connection between dating habits and shopping habits.
"I had a horrible experience where I was looking for a dress, like real quick, and I needed it, and I didn't spend enough time in the fitting room," Goudeau said. "I didn't spend enough time. The night I had to wear that dress, the lining was just crawling. I was so uncomfortable. It didn't fit. But I didn't spend enough time to see whether it did or not."
She said that scenario is a perfect analogy of dating and how women and men sometimes rush into relationships before trying them on for fit and comfort first.
In her new book, "The Shopper's Guide to Dating," Goudeau explains why people should treat dating the same way they treat finding a new piece for their wardrobe.
First, make a "shopping list" of what you're seeking in a forever relationship.
"Most people go for bodies first." Goudeau said. She warned that is a typical pitfall for most singles.
Instead, she said you should assess what you are truly looking for in a potential mate. Are you looking for comfort, someone who makes you feel good? Are you looking for style, someone flashy to show off to everyone? Or are you seeking camouflage, someone to help you improve or hide what you don't like about yourself?
"If you are making a shopping list, you should figure out, what do I want in my life?" Goudeau said. "Do I want someone who laughs with me? Do I want to have fun?"
After making a list and meeting a potential mate, she said it's time to move to the "the fitting room" to see if there is a good match.
"It's almost like a zig zag," Goudeau said. "A zig zag fits good. Sometimes the same things that they have are not what you have. If I’m good at finances, and you're not, that might be a good fit."
This means spending weeks, or even months, determining if two people are a good match. The biggest tip she gives is one most ladies can all relate to. Sometimes, the perfect dress for the perfect price is just the wrong size. While dresses can easily be altered, Goudeau warns alterations in relationships are a terrible idea.
"We say, 'He doesn't like to dress, but I’ll fix that when we get married.' We think like that," Goudeau said. "When you go in trying to change them, if you outgrow them, even in life, they have molded themselves to fit you, and as they go away, they no longer fit somebody else."
Goudeau said just as people shouldn't go to the grocery store when they are hungry, it's the same for dating. She said dating while desperate will always lead to disaster.
"Sometimes we're like, 'I’m such and such years old, I need to hurry up and get married,' or something," Goudeau said. "So, you go out there and so you drop your standards."
In the end, she said knowledge of self is key.
"Know what you genuinely want in a relationship," Goudeau said. "Also, know what you genuinely want to give in a relationship, because it is two people who are also shopping."
For more information on “The Shopper's Guide to Dating”, visit this website.