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11 questions I asked myself while watching 'Beauty and the Beast' as an adult

Quite frankly, I hadn't seen the original since I was probably 8

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(YouTube)

Who’s excited for the remake of the Disney classic “Beauty and the Beast,” which hits theaters on Friday?

The movie, starring Emma Watson and Dan Stevens, has garnered a LOT of buzz.

So before we all head to the big screen in the coming days or weeks, I thought it might be fun to relive the original animated movie. I wanted to remind myself of all the best scenes and lovable characters so that I could more easily compare and contrast the old with the new film.

And well, I’m here to report that it was a little bit like watching “Grease” for the first time as an adult. There are moments where you’re all, “They said whaaaaaat?” or “Ah, I see what he’s getting at.” There was a good amount of content that went way over my head as a second-grader.

Anyway. I tried not to question everything about the movie -- it’s for kids, after all -- but I did find myself with 10 lingering questions (beyond, like, talking clocks and curses and spells). Let’s hop to them, shall we?

1.) What’s up with Gaston?

This guy is the worst. I get that he’s the villain and every Disney movie needs one, but sheesh. I think all the protein has gone to his head -- he mentioned eating four to five dozen eggs a day, so I’m not even making this up -- because he’s straight-up delusional when it comes to the Belle situation. This guy needs some self-awareness, STAT. Why would he think Belle would be interested in marrying him, when she doesn’t even want to Netflix and chill? Get it together, guy.

2.) Belle and her dad are definitely #goals.

I found their relationship to be so endearing! Belle defends “crazy old Maurice” no matter what, and she’s so encouraging of all his inventions, despite everyone in town calling him nuts. I mean, Belle even agrees to give up her whole life for him, which is extreme -- and what dad would want that for his daughter? -- but I appreciated the sentiment either way.

3.) Speaking of family dynamics, where was Belle’s mom?

Was she ever in the picture? Where were any of the Disney princesses’ mothers, for that matter?

4.) How did Belle get the Beast back on that horse after those crazy wolf-dogs attacked?

Do you remember when Belle tried to run away from the castle and then the Beast went after her? He rescued her from those scary-looking wolf things, and got bitten up like crazy in the process. And then, BAM, suddenly Belle and the Beast are back at the castle and Belle’s tending to his wounds with Mrs. Potts. What was that all about? Was Belle secretly downing cartons of eggs with Gaston, or just into CrossFit? I feel like she has to be super fit if she was the one responsible for loading that enormous Beast back on the horse.

5.) Why doesn’t Beast know how to use utensils?

He’s so flustered with Belle at the dinner table. But I thought Beast ate there all the time? And more importantly, he used to be a human, right? What are we missing here?

6.) What would have happened if Belle touched the rose?

The Beast is all, "Do you realize what you could have done?" No. Tell us! Would the curse have been extended? Does someone die? We need answers!

I will say, my Disney-loving friend said the curse would have stayed in place forever. But I'm still scratching my head and wondering about the logistics involved here. And there's some speculation online suggesting that Belle could have knocked a petal off the rose, thus giving the Beast less time to find love. I'm still leaving a giant question mark on this one.

7.) Is it surprising that everyone in the house is rooting for Belle?

I mean, not to knock the love story, but these guys would be rooting for anyone to fall for the Beast, right? It’s not like the Beast is out there on Match.com -- and the women in town definitely aren’t swiping right on Tinder. Belle is basically the only chance these castle-dwellers have at getting turned back into people. And who wants to live life as a piece of silverware or a foot rest?

8.) Does this whole concept seem strange to anyone else?

This is definite Stockholm syndrome, that’s for sure.

9.) I’m not sure what’s more alarming: the group-think mentality in the town, or Gaston’s behavior, which is growing scarier by the minute.

I get it, the women in town think Gaston is the best. And he thinks he’s the best. But I feel like he’s a bit of a sexual harasser. Now he’s bribing Belle to marry him? And meanwhile, all the city folks are like, “Kill the Beast!” Kill the Beast? That seems severe. The Beast is just doing his own thing in the castle. I’d be more concerned about Gaston slipping roofies in people's drinks around town.

10.) Where’d they get those fancy black-tie outfits?

I mean, it was probably magic. But seriously, they are tailored to perfection and everything.

11.) Speaking of that, how do all these Disney princesses ALWAYS look good, regardless of their circumstances?

Belle’s eyeliner has been on point this entire movie.

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What did you think? Have you seen the animated version in a while? Could you see yourself questioning similar aspects of the movie, or do you disagree with my notes? Share your theories in the comments!


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