Selena Gomez is opening up about living her life under a spotlight. The 27-year-old singer covers Interview's April issue and, in the accompanying interview with Amy Schumer, discusses the struggles of fame.
"My intention was never to become a tabloid. So when things kind of happened that way, it got out of control," Gomez says. "And then I was like, 'Wait, none of this is true.'"
"The way the media has sometimes tried to explain things has made it sound really bad, when in reality there’s nothing wrong with the fact that I needed to go away or that I fell in love," she continues of her mental health treatment and public romantic relationships with stars including Justin Bieber and The Weeknd.
"I had to start opening up because people were taking away my narrative and it was killing me," she adds. "I’m so young and I’m going to keep changing, and no one has the right to tell me how my life’s going."
Gomez, who recently revealed that she's bipolar, notes that she "doesn't remember a time" when she wasn't living her life publicly.
"It got out of control when I was super young," she says. "I think it showed people that I was weak in certain moments, and that I had troubles. Some people just get off on building people up and then trying to bring them down."
As a result of the "really difficult stuff" she's been through, Gomez says "a picture was painted" of her life, whether she "liked it or not."
"That was scary because I didn’t want it to affect my career," she says. "Sometimes it’s been bad for my career, but other times it’s like, 'Now I can talk about things like my depression and anxiety, things that I’ve struggled with and which I’m totally open about, because I believe in seeking help.'"
"But other than that, what keeps me grounded is that I do my best to avoid it," Gomez continues. "It’s not like I don’t live my life."
Though there are people who have brought her down, Gomez says there are also people who "worry about me because I’ve had some trouble in the past."
"It’s kind, it is. But I’m okay," she says. "I deal with what I deal with, and if I feel like I’m having a rough week or I’m not up to doing something, I don’t do it."
While she's "very, very happy" now, Gomez admits that it's "sometimes hard for me to be happy for myself."
"I think there’s always something in me that’s like, 'What’s the next thing?'" she says. "My mind is a battlefield."
Despite that uncertainty, Gomez has decided that, if her life is going to be public, she'd like to use that exposure for good.
"I love people. I care, a lot. I’ve gone through a lot of medical issues, and I know that I can reach people who are going through similarly scary things -- an organ transplant, or being on dialysis, or going away for treatment," Gomez, who underwent a kidney transplant in 2017, says. "A huge part of why I have a platform is to help people. That’s why I think I’m OK with the magnitude."
"I mean, I’m not really OK with it -- but I’m going to say that I am because it’s worth it," she clarifies. "I know that I’m making someone somewhere feel good, or feel understood or heard, and that’s worth it for me."