HOUSTON - The Voice
Helloooo quarterfinals! You know that part in The Hunger Games when the Game Makers change the rules and everybody freaks out? It was kind of like that on Monday night's episode of The Voice with the introduction of instant eliminations (I really can't get enough of these Hunger Games/The Voice analogies). At the end of the night, the coaches have to eliminate one member of their team on the spot. Brutal much, NBC? One more contestant will be eliminated by America on the following night's results show, leaving 2 artists from each team to go on to next week's semifinals. So let's get to it, then, shall we?
Teams Blake and Xtina took the stage, and, as always, there were some KILLA performances and some less than awesome moments.
The night started off with RaeLynn singing Jason Aldean's "She's Country" for Team Blake—finally we get a real country song from the country girl for the first time since her blind audition. The song choice was perfect and little RaeLynn was electric and rather aggressive, representing country music with a bit of a kick and a LOT of body grinding. But let's be real—no matter what happens on this show, RaeLynn will have a country music career thanks to Blake Shelton.
Next up was Jesse Campbell for Team Xtina singing Beyonce's "Halo." Now, I love me some Queen Bey, so I had very high expectations coming into this performance, especially considering how incredible Jesse has been in the past. He dedicated the song to his daughter, and had pictures of the two of them all over the stage. Needless to say, I was fighting back the tears by the end of the performance. Also- HOW DO YOU HIT THOSE NOTES, JESSE CAMPBELL? How. It's like, ok, we've hit this epic not—oh wait—he's going higher?—that's incred—no, we're still going? We're still going.—GOOD GOD, MAN. Yeah. It's like that. I love you, Jesse Campbell.
Jesse is a pretty tough act to follow, and Jordis Unga just wasn't up to the challenge. Blake got it all wrong here with the song choice— this country song ("A Little Bit Stronger" by Sara Evans) on a rocker chick just sounded strange and kind of throttled. Not to mention she looked heinous in that weird powder-pink mermaid dress she must have picked out of the dumpster at David's Bridal.
Ashley De La Rosa took the stage next, singing a rocked-out version of Jewel's "Foolish Games," which seemed like it'd be pretty strange. And to be fair, it was. It wasn't bad, but it was weird. And that's about it.
Here's the thing about covering Adele songs. You really just shouldn't do it. Maybe in a few years, once they aren't being played in ever grocery store, shopping mall and Starbucks from here to Timbuktu, but not right now. And unfortunately, my girl Erin Willett didn't know that rule. Even if you do a half-way decent job, which Erin did, it's still not going to be as good as Adele's version and you end up kind of looking a bit like a hack. I LOVE Erin Willett, and I hope she does well in this competition, but I wish she'd chosen a different song. Ahem, Blake, this is where you step in and offer guidance. Guidance AWAY from Adele songs. Kthanksbye.
Ugh. Lindsey Pavao. What, what, WHAT are you doing. Also, what, what, WHAT are you wearing? You look like a glittery, black-and-white Peter Pan. What I liked about Lindsey Pavao during her blind audition was her creativity and eccentricity, because she sounded good and seemed cool. But now it seems like a gimmick, she can't hit the big notes to save her life and her entire performance of Katy Perry's "Part of Me" was flat pretty much from beginning to end. Like hi, this is a singing competition. Pitch matters.
And then we get to Jermaine Paul, who, without question, stole the show. Like the whole show. They might as well have renamed Monday's night's episode "The Arrival of Jermaine Paul." He kilt it singing with Blake and the crew during the group number, and then he REALLY kilt it during his performance of Phil Collins' "Against All Odds." It wasn't cheesy or over-produced, it was just a really talented singer, singing REALLY freaking well. He's a star. And he has arrived.
We finished off the night with Chris Mann singing Coldplay's "Viva La Vida." And it was… ok. It was a hair sharp the whole way through, and what's weird is that for someone classically trained, he makes some strange vowel choices and doesn't seem to have a solid sense of pitch. But I think Adam put it best when he told Chris to just do what he does best, which is opera. Stop tryna be a pop star, dude. It ain't gon happen.
And now, to the instant eliminations…
Blake had a fairly easy decision to make: get rid of Jordis quickly, or give a speech and then get rid of Jordis. Luckily for all of us at home, he chose the former. Peace out, Jordis Unga. May the wardrobe gods be with you.
Ya know, I was just starting to believe in Xtina again. She's looking more presentable and respectable as a coach, her boobs are being kept somewhat in check and she has kept it fairly real with her comments and suggestions to the competitors. I was slowly but surely starting not to hate her. And then she goes and pulls this crap. Xtina's decision to send Jesse Campbell home might have done irrevocably damage to my perception of Xtina as a coach on this show, as an assessor of talent, and as a sane human being. XTINA. I'M DONE WITH YOU.
The Results Show
For Team Xtina:
America's save: Chris Mann (I guess he's all that's left now that Jesse's gone…)
Xtina's save: Lindsey Pavao (Xtina was super weepy during her last chance performance, so no surprise here.)
Going home: Ashley De La Rosa (Alas.)
For Team Blake:
America's save: Jermaine Paul (uh DUH. He may have to replace Jesse Campbell as my front runner against Jamar Rogers.)
Blake's save: Erin Willett (!!!!!!!!!!)
Going home: RaeLynn (Sad for my hometown girl, but I have no doubt she'll be releasing an album very soon.)
There are a few important things you need to know about Rebecca Duvall:
- She's old. Like as old as Marilyn was when she died. DIED.
- She can't sing.
- She has a lot of ideas.
- She's old.
- She dates/d crazy people.
- She is the least punctual human.
- She is oblivious.
- She's old. SHE JUST IS, OK?
It was literally impossible for me not to cringe and grimace as I watched her try and sing Tom and Julia's songs for the first time. Horror.
But you know who is super Marilyn-y? Karen Cartright. Know how I know that? Because Derek day-fantasizes about her being Marilyn in a very vivid, cinematic kind of way. Also she wears a blonde wig and Marilyn mole trè well. But seriously, "Our Day Will Come" was an absolute knockout performance, and may have pushed me more toward the Karen camp—IVY, PLEASE FORGIVE ME!
But speaking of Ivy! In a surprisingly thoughtful and boyfriend-like move, Derek insists on bringing Ivy back into the chorus of Bombshell, despite her minor (but not really minor) catastrophe in Heaven on Earth. I mean she was obviously coming back in some way, just didn't expect it to be through Derek. Is that... no it couldn't be. Is Derek growing a soul?
This episode is also further evidence that nothing unites like a common enemy. For Karen and Ivy, that common enemy is Rebecca Duvall. Now if only we can find a common enemy to unite the Middle East… I vote a hostile alien force that wants only to inhabit the tiny piece of land adjacent to the Mediterranean Sea, Lebanon, Syria, Jordan, Saudi Arabia and Egypt. Don't worry, UN. I totally don't charge a consulting fee.
Back to Smash. Tom hearts Sam, Sam hearts Tom, and I heart both of them so much it makes me kind of wish I was a gay man so I could get in on that. I mean I think I heart Tom in a platonic sort of way but want to actually date Sam. DATE ME, Sam. Holler at your KPRC Prime Time blogger.
On a less sexy note, Julia and Frank have to come face to face to talk about Leo potentially failing out of school. Frank is really not giving her an inch, not that I'm condoning adultery. But I'm glad, at the very least, that people are yelling at Leo. He should be yelled at. All the time. And they aren't the only couple having problemz. Karen and Dev are also on the rocks, since he's jealous of Derek and she's jealous of RJ (that ambiguously ethnic but definitively hot reporter that is constantly hitting on Dev). Jealousy, man. Such a love killer.
And FINALLY, Ellis's manipulative ways are biting him where the sun don't shine. Don't you just hate when you mean to click over to an incoming call on your Smartphone, but you're just not as smart as your phone is and you don't actually click over, saying rude and offensive things directly to the person about whom you are talking smack? BECAUSE I LOVE IT. Hopefully, Ellis continues to self-destruct and maybe one day his girlfriend will walk in on him getting it on with a dude! A girl can dream.
Thanks for reading, and as always, thanks for watching KPRC Local 2!
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