HOUSTON - CELEBRITY APPRENTICE DOUBLE WHAMMY! We had not two, but THREE hours of Celebrity Apprentice action this week—that means an extra hour of Lou Ferrigno's incomprehensible but well-intentioned pearls of wisdom, an extra helping of Lisa Lampanelli's eye rolls and woman-hatin', and another glorious 60 minutes of Aubrey O'Day… just being Aubrey O'Day.
The first task of the episode is for each team to write, photograph, design and sell a "My New York" celebrity guidebook that features personal experiences of the celebrities in the Big Apple. The best guidebook, judged by the incomparable Regis Philbin, wins $35,000 toward the grand total. But it's really the team with the best financial connections that will win the big prize at the end, which includes not only the money fundraised by the winning team, but all the money from the losing team as well, similar to what we saw in the first episode of this season. The project managers were Teresa Giudice for the women and Dee Snider for the men. Let's see what Clay has to say about this in today's installment of "Crazy Shizznit Clay Aiken Gets Away with Saying on National Television" or as I will affectionately refer to it, "Clay's Cray Cray!":
"I don't know if it's his entire head, but at leeeeast Dee's forehead is up Penn's ass."
- Clay Aiken
Clay is quickly becoming my favorite reason to watch NBC Sunday night primetime.
So, the ladies and gents split up and get to work. And by that I mean the women did what they always do and put Lisa and Aubrey in charge, thereby essentially securing the team's loss and allowing the Demon Twinz enough power and responsibility to yell and complain about everyone else not doing anything in the boardroom. Why, women? Why? Also, Lisa Lampanelli officially lost what little was left of her mind at Dayana Mendoza this episode, and it was not a pretty picture. It's getting to the point where Lisa is just outright hating on Dayana because she's pretty, and green is not Lisa Lampanelli's best color. It makes her sound petty and jealous and just kind of pathetic, but hey! We're on The Celebrity Apprentice. Petty and pathetic are pre-requisites for casting.
When it comes time for the judging, Donaldo calls on trusted friend and bleached-blonde-so-they-don't-see-the-gray-hair bestie Regis Philbin for his expertise and celebrity-guidebook-knowledge. Regis chooses the women's team's guidebook, and they are awarded $35,000 which is a nice head start on the men.
In the boardroom, it's yet another round of "Everyone Hates Dayana" on the women's side of the table while the men just sit and wait for the announcement of their inevitable victory. And win they do! In a VERY close call, the men beat out the women by a mere $14. (When you think about it, they actually won by $35,014 if we take out the money awarded the women earlier on… but $14 is way more painful of a margin to lose by so we'll stick with that.) Dee Snider is therefore the winner, and takes a grand total of $326,000 to his charity, March of Dimes. After the men leave, Arsenio leads the men's team in a full on hate-fest of Aubrey which I found entertaining and satisfying and could perhaps be some foreshadowing of what's to come...? Teresa (oh yeah, I forgot she was the project manager…) decides to bring back Dayana (GASP OF SHOCK AND SURPRISE) and Debbie Gibson to the boardroom to face the Trumpinator and elimination, despite the fact that in this challenge about fundraising, Aubrey collected the least amount of money and Dayana one of the highest… but like we say here on the KPRC Prime Blog, logic, reason and common sense and The Celebrity Apprentice simply do not mix! What, we don't say that? Well, we do now. After much hoo-hah from Trump, the ax finally lands on Debbie Gibson. Now, I've been waiting for this moment since the very first episode, and I have to say, knowing I won't see that wretched woman's face or hear her screechy voice makes the week pass that much more smoothly.
The second half of this week's episode finds our lovely celebrities all befuddled as Trumpiosity decides to spice things up and switch around the teams! Here's a breakdown of the new teams:
Team Unanimous: Aubrey O'Day, Teresa Giudice, Arsenio Hall, Clay Aiken and Paul Senior
Team Forte: Lou Ferrigno, Dee Snider, Lisa Lampanelli, Dayana Mendoza and Penn Jillette
So as you can see, this set up is mathematically guaranteed to be disastrous/amusing:
Aubrey + Arsenio + Clay = Endless Aubrey Bashing and also = a very happy Dena Propis.
Lisa + Dayana = ladyhate. Tried and true. And, in addition we now have Lou Ferrigno < EVERYONE, which should prove for some team bonding, at the very least.
The challenge for these two teams is to create a live, interactive health segment that promotes the benefits of walking and the ease of the Walk with Walgreens™ program to a live audience. Additionally, each team must create a new design for the Walk with Walgreens™ membership kit. The project managers are Arsenio Hall for Team Unanimous and Lou Ferrigno for Team Forte.
The way things shake down, Aubrey starts to take control of Arsenio's project, which should shock no one but somehow still seems to. She and Arsenio do not get along, which we could have foreseen during Arsenio's anti-Aubrey rampage but a few moments prior. On Team Forte, Lisa once again pulls the martyr card but also seems to have taken a liking to Penn Jillette. Maybe they could get together and have incredibly large-boned, foul-mouthed, juggling, fire-breathing children! Lou once again takes center stage during the presentation but doesn't play too large a role in the planning and execution of the rest of the challenge.
Back in the boardroom, things went DOWN between Aubrey and Arsenio. Like full on UFC battle style carnage, which obviously I dug. Arsenio tagged in first and eviscerated Aubrey, calling her selfish and egomaniacal and overbearing and immature. Then Clay tagged in and lauded Arsenio for his patience and coaching abilities with the monsterchild, and almost every single person on the team singled Aubrey out as the person they would send home. It was. Beautiful. But in the end, all was for naught as Arsenio won the challenge and will be donating $50,000 to his charity, the Magic Johnson Foundation in honor of his cousin, Sharon, who died of AIDS.
In the boardroom with the losing team, project manager Lou Ferrigno brought back Dee Snider and Dayana Mendoza to face DT and elimination. I think Lou only brought Dayana back because it would have seemed weird not to. But you know what? I think that little Venezuelan is growing on me! I like how she gets under Lisa Lampanelli's skin like a deer tick while always looking easy, breezy and beautiful. But despite his huge win the previous week, it was Dee Snider that was sent packing after this most recent elimination.
The drama doesn't end there! After Team Unanimous leaves the boardroom, Aubrey gets in the elevator and threatens to leave the show, citing her mental and emotional well-being as the main cause for this departure. COULD IT BE TRUE?! I guess we'll have to wait until next week to see if she'll follow through.
Whew! That was a lot of celebrity ego to endure. Tune in next week for more celebrity shenanigans
Thanks for reading, and as always, thanks for watching KPRC Local 2!
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