HOUSTON – Ok. I think I've finally figured it out. Winning The Celebrity Apprentice does not necessarily mean staying until the very end and winning a ton of money for some charity. It's not about charity. When is it every really about charity? And it's not really even about money. It's about the 3 N's: Networking, Name recognition and Nepotism.
And maybe a little about money.
One does not resurrect his/her career by being a giant tool on television, incurring the wrath of other celebrities and the Trumpster himself. Oh no. One gracefully bows out, encouraging teammates to "keep in touch," and profusely thanks Sir Trumps A Lot for the opportunity to once again be in the lime light and help the less fortunate.
Maybe I'm just trying to rationalize how I could not possibly have predicted this game more incorrectly, but I think what the game puts across as the goal and the actual objectives are very different. I've put together a little "Mythbusters: Celebrity Apprentice" portion of today's blog to clear some of these Trump-imposed cobwebs:
1. Be a leader! Take charge and assert your authority so people know you're a force to be reckoned with—MYTH!
Here's the real deal: Skate by all quiet like for as long as you can. If no one can really see you causin' a fuss, no one will pull you into the boardroom. For reference, see Michael Andretti.
2. Donald Trump is a hard-hearted, ruthless businessman slash comb-over-specialist. Don't count on any friendships or past associations to get you ahead in this game. — FACT!
Look at our dearly departed Victoria Gotti and George Takei. Both personal friends of Naldo. Both fired. Personal relationships with Trumpmaster Flex will not get you anywhere in the boardroom. Well, unless you're one of his spawn. Then you get to play with Daddy behind the desk and judge all kinds of not-so-famous celebrities! Hooray for the Trump clan!
3. Taking the high road will show your teammates you are a respectable human being and they will want to keep you around longer. You will do well in this game.— MYTH!
Again, I reference darling George Takei. He basically fired himself. Tia Carrere almost did this very thing the first episode but luckily was out-lame-sauced by what's her name. I can't even remember her name she was so unremarkable. However, it is better to go out like Sulu than like Victoria Gotti, all cry-faced and pointy-fingered. For shame.
So to recap last night's episode, the teams were tasked with creating two live window displays for Lord & Taylor featuring Ivanka Trump's spring collection. In other words, Donald the Great got tired of seeing the men win every challenge so he threw the ladies a soft ball in order to keep the show interesting. Dayana Mendoza snatched the position of project manager away from Teresa Giudice and the men just pointed fingers at the gays to take the lead. Literally. They shamelessly pointed at Clay Aiken and George Takei to take charge because, according to the contestants on The Celebrity Apprentice, if you're gay, you know all there is to know about fashion, window displays, Ivanka Trump, spring time and colors. It turns out, the straight men were incredibly wrong about this. But it does confirm that celebrities are idiots that also subscribe to gender stereotypes! So if you couldn't predict how this episode ends, the ladies clinched their first victory and Dayana Mendoza got to donate $20,000 to her charity, the Latino Commission on AIDS. And George Takei bade farewell to the competition, keeping his head held high. May he live long and prosper.
And thus concludes another week on The Celebrity Apprentice. Tune in next week to see more celebrities act a fool and maybe we'll finally figure out how the Trumpinator gets him comb-over to look so… Trumpy.
Thanks for reading, and as always, thanks for watching KPRC Local 2!