It's Been 4 Years Since My Last Boyfriend

Dear DoubleTake,
I'm 23 and getting depressed because I have been single almost four years.
All the guys I wind up liking like my girlfriends --- who are already taken -- and I get thrown into the friend category.
I am tall and I am a little bit heavy, but I am beautiful and fun.
But it seems like no matter what, the good guys I like fall for the other girls and I get the really bad guys.
I love who I am and I will not change my beliefs and ways for a guy, but is that an old way of thinking nowadays?
Is it something with me? I'm really getting down on myself, but I can't figure it out.

BETTY SAYS:

It's never fun being stuck in that situation -- the wingwoman who gets the leftovers, the bridesmaid who never gets the groom.

Just hang in there. Keep using your social circle to your advantage, and enjoy having fun with your girlfriends while you're young and single.

This quarter-life crisis can be like going through adolescence all over again. Men can be immature, women long for marriage -- like they wanted that first kiss -- and suddenly all of the drama you thought would end with being a grown-up sticks around for another few years. Stay true to your beliefs and don't hook up with the bad guys.

If you're feeling self-conscious about your weight, why not join a community dance class or sports team? A few pounds can be shed with ab crunches, regular runs or walks around your neighborhood and a diet that includes lots of fruit and vegetables.

Someday, everything will fall into place. A man will see your beauty first and then recognize the beauty within your mind, heart and soul.

EDDIE SAYS:

Your perception of the situation here makes something pretty good feel pretty bad.

You have a lot of friends -- male and female -- and know the good things you have to offer a man.

I'm sure it hurts to not have found someone yet to share that with, but I bet if you look at those friends you'll see a lot of heartbreak from people who decided it was better to latch on to someone and something, rather than wait for something really great to come along.

You, fortunately, know enough to avoid those problems.

No, you haven't yet reached the state of relationship you want. But it's not meant to be easy to find something great. Enjoy what you have, be patient, keep your eyes open, and something good will come along.

And, when it happens, you can write us again about all the problems you gain when you become a couple!

Disagree With Double Take? Offer Your Own Advice

Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

E-mail questions to doubletake@ibsys.com. A new column is published every other Tuesday.

To be considered for publication, please keep letters to fewer than 300 words. If you feel more background information is needed, consider adding it as a postscript. Because of the volume of the mail received, Eddie and Betty offer advice only to the letters that are chosen for publication.

Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions. Double Take Archive:
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