HOUSTON -

So before we get to the performances from Monday night, a quick sidebar: on a show about singing/vocal ability… really, 50 Cent? I forgot you were even a thing. Also, you don’t sing. Whatever, on with the show!

First up was Amanda Brown singing Adele’s “Someone Like You,” a unique and inspired song choice, totally and completely reimagined to the point of near unrecognizability by the incomparable musical genius that is Adam Levine. J TO THE FREAKING K. IT WAS THE SAME DAMN SONG, JUST LOUDER. Poor Amanda was screaming to be heard over all the drums and electric guitar which were supposed to radically transform this over-done-beaten-to-death pop song into a “rock ballad,” which they didn’t. It was like that episode of Friends where Phoebe tries to hide the enormous hummus stain on her dress with a Christmas ornament. I think you see where I’m going with this.

When Cee Lo assigned “Somebody to Love” to Cody Belew, I was expecting fireworks, confetti canons, hand grenades for crying out loud! But what I got was a fairly forgettable vocal from Cody that didn’t give him the opportunity to showcase his moneymaker: his personality. He did hit one or two impressive high notes at the end there. And at least he got the benefit of a Cee Lo signature gospel choir!

Here’s what’s great about being on Team Blake. That man will do WHATEVER it takes, including throwing himself under the metaphorical (and who are we kidding, probably a physical) bus to advance his team members. Last week he gave Cassadee Pope THE song that will be her legacy on this show and most likely launch her career. This week, he gave Terry McDermott one of his biggest hits, “Over,” claiming that Terry’s way was the way he’d always wanted to do it if he’d had the vocal ability. Blake—think more doorway, less doormat. The performance overall was ok, not Terry’s best, but hey, at least it wasn’t classic rock!

Call me crazy, but I really enjoyed Melanie Martinez this week. I’m glad the coaches gave props to the set designers because the staging was INCREDIBLE and without a doubt enhanced Melanie’s performance of Alice Claire’s “Too Close.” For some reason, I minded her slightly out of tune, gap-toothed wails less with this song, even though I got pretty annoyed with the whole “I bet that guy this break-up song is about really misses you now even though it’s painfully obvious you don’t want to talk about the details on national television” thing. Good job, Cruella de Minnie Mouse.

As much as I have come to love Dez Duron, a Justin Bieber song choice whilst dry-humping the air didn’t do wonders for legitimizing him as a “real artist.” That said, I did love this performance and I actually really liked the song. I just wish I didn’t know it was by Justin Bieber. I’m afraid this might have derailed Dez’s momentum, and it really doesn’t help that Xtina practically begs America to support her artists. We can smell the desperation through the TV, ok Lil Miss Hair Weave?

The prodigal son has returned home, to the R&B power ballad. Trevin Hunte singing Whitney Houston is like the Texans playing anyone but Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers—ya just can’t lose. And yes, it was great, but it wasn’t jaw-droppingly, heart-stoppingly awesome. I’m still waiting for that magic moment where Trevin sings my face off of my face, but there’s no denying boy can SANG.

Heeeeyyy Naaaaah! Nicholas David had, hands down, the best performance of the night with Marvin Gaye’s “What’s Goin’ On.” He has proven to be the most consistent artist in the competition, with great song choice after great song choice. And anyone who can rock the old-blind-guy sunglasses and Willie Nelson pigtail braids is a winner in my book. But in all seriousness, I can’t wait until this show is over and Nick releases his CD so that I can wear it out in my soon-to-be-obsolete CD player!

Wrapping up the evening was Cassadee Pope singing Michelle Branch’s angry femme-rock song, “Are You Happy Now?” Homegirl is on a roll, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. She sounds hot, she looks hot, and she’s got a great back-story, wrought with turmoil and angst that fits in perfectly with her aesthetic and musical taste. Although my favorite part of her performance Monday night was probably Adam Levine BLASTING The Roxy for not giving Maroon 5 a dressing room back in the day when they opened for Michelle Branch, and Cassadee trying to save face with a meek “I love the Roxy…” in the middle of Adam’s tirade. #ILiveForAwkwardMoments

It’s a tough call for the bottom two this week, but I would say Amanda Brown and Dez Duron are in some trouble.

Check back with the KPRC Prime Blog to see just how in-tune with America I am.

Thanks for reading, and as always, thanks for watching KPRC Local 2!