Welcome back my little Voicelettes!
I had two very distinct favorite moments from Tuesday night’s episode of The Voice.
Because there is no video of the first moment, I am left with no choice but to transcribe the event as accurately and in as much detail as humanly possible. First, some background: IJ Quinn is the auditioner. He is from a farm. A pig farm. In Warsaw, North Carolina. Not Poland. He has the highest speaking voice I’ve ever heard on a man. It sounds like he has inhaled a large quantity of helium. I think it's important to reiterate that his name is IJ. Not OJ. Not IQ. But IJ. He sings “Virtual Insanity” by Jamiroquai. It is a very strange song choice. All the coaches think he is a girl. This does not change the fact he is not a good singer. No one turns around. He speaks with the coaches. They say he’s great even though he’s clearly not. And now the fun begins:
Blake: “He works on a pig farm and he pointed at me when he said that.”
Xtina: “He did! (giggle giggle) He said—*points at Blake* pig farm! (giggle giggle giggle)”
Blake: “I shoulda been lahk, ‘WHUUT?’”
Xtina: “(giggle giggle maniacal laugh giggle)”
Blake: “I’m country, so I roll around in pig sh** or somethin’ all the tahme??”
Xtina: “(INSANE MANIACAL LAUGHTER WITH INTERMITTENT GIGGLES)”
Blake: “Oh, yeah (big country eye roll), me too!”
Xtina: “(snort laugh shriek snort laugh giggle giggle)”
It’s moments like these, man. This is why I really watch The Voice.
Now onto some talent! In this competition, there are auditioners who perform and then there are performers who audition. Cassadee Pope is most definitely the latter. Homegirl was the lead singer of a band, Hey Monday, that toured with Fall Out Boy and she’s besties with Pete Wentz. Know how I know that? Because Carson had a video saying so. Anyway, Cassadee was bananas awesome. She was radio-ready like yesterday. Not to mention she’s gawwwgeous in that lacy-dress-but-also-tatted-up kind of way. But here’s the funny part. She’s on Team Blake. Which means she’s a genius. Or incredibly lucky. Either way, she’s the all-star of that team, and could easily go to the finals because of it. Wait that's it-- the way to win this game isn’t necessarily having the best coach, but having the most lackluster teammates. I’VE FIGURED OUT THE VOICE, Y’ALL. Well done, Cassadee. Well done.
Check back next week for the last week of blind auditions—after that, we move into (thunder clap) THE BATTLE ROUNDS (rounds… rounds… rounds… rounds…)!
Thanks for reading, and as always, thanks for watching KPRC Local 2!