Classic. I, too, would’ve been a puddle on the floor had a man with that voice and that physique serenaded me on the street outside my home. You know. If I didn’t have a son… or a husband… No matter! Despite the writing that makes it difficult for even the best of actors to make some of these scenes believable, I often find myself thanking Debra Messing and her perfectly coifed and colored hair for being my rock in this sea of questionable acting, slow moving plot moments and strangely cast love connections. So… thank you Debra Messing. Even if you are negating all the work parents, teachers and legislators have put into making men understand that no actually does mean no. But who watches these shows for lessons in moral rectitude? Not me! I watch Dawson’s Creek for that.

At the top of the episode, as Ivy is singing to herself in the mirror (like ya do), she starts to squeak on some of her top notes, indicating she might be ::GASP:: losing her voice! Honestly, who wouldn’t lose their voice after belting the way she has, as often as she has, as upside-down as she has. But here’s the problem I actually have with this particular story line. Megan Hilty doesn’t do a good job of faking vocal fatigue. It’s like her voice is TOO strong to feign a flaw. So I found myself just generally annoyed and put-off by her weak attempts at… weakness. Not to mention that music video montage thing was SO random and weird. Also, did anyone else notice that Ivy totally matched her bedding? I giggled at that revelation. Anyways, Ivy goes on Prednisone, a steroid, to ensure she has a voice for the big rehearsal with the investors, especially after a little gentle coaxing from her ever-supportive and kind director/boyfriend. Oh I’m sorry, did I say gentle coaxing? I meant after a thinly veiled threat of being replaced, effectively crushing all of her dreams and aspirations. COOL, DEREK. Also, I have never heard of anyone hallucinating like that on a vocal steroid. Come on, people. Also, is Prednisone a corporate sponsor of Smash? So. Much. Product placement.

But let’s not forget that Karen Cartwright sang at a Bar Mitzvah during this episode. That’s right. I was SO excited to hear Katherine McPhee sing “Havah Negilah” I was plotzing all over the place, my kishkes were all in a knot and I could barely breathe from all the k’velling. Aaaand that’s all the Yiddish I can muster, hope you’re proud, Grandma! And as per usual, Karen reminded us why she’s a star with her rendition of Florence + the Machine’s “Shake It Out,” yet another single I will be purchasing on iTunes. Thank goodness she can sing, because that’s really all Katherine McPhee can contribute to this show.

All in all, I’m not quite sure what more I want from this series, but there is definitely something. It’s not musical numbers, we got those and I love ‘em. It’s not good looking people; Derek pretty much has that covered single-handedly… Oh, I know! Better writing. Here’s to hoping!

Check back next week to see if the Smash producers have come to their senses and decided to hire me as their new script writer, thanks for reading and, as always, thanks for watching KPRC Local 2!