The Celebrity Apprentice, Episode 13

Watch the finale of The Celebrity Apprentice on Sunday at 8pm on NBC!

Published On: May 15 2012 01:38:17 PM CDT
HOUSTON -

When we last left our celebrities…

Lisa Lampanelli had just been fired and we were down to Arsenio Hall, Aubrey O’Day and Clay Aiken vying for the final two spots. Let’s not mess about. The final two are…

Arsenio Hall and Clay Aiken! Aubrey was sent packing, and in true Aubrey fashion went out with a mostly unintelligible bang. Marlee Matlin and John Rich both found Aubrey to be transparent. The thing about the word transparent is that it has not one, but several meanings! Aubrey, unfortunately, is only aware of one of them. She thought people were calling her see-through. “Whoever called me transparent, f*** them. I think, of all the words I could be called, and many are true, transparent isn’t the word. There is nothing see-through about me. I’m somebody that stands in your face and is so bright and shines so big that you’re either intimidated, you’re annoyed, or you’re in love. *air kiss!*” Now let’s talk about the actual definitions of the word transparent. According to Merriam-Webster, transparent is defined as being obvious, readily understood, or characterized by visibility or accessibility of information. Now let’s compare notes with Aubrey. Aubrey finds herself to be in-your-face, bright and shiny. In other words, obvious. So, in fact, Aubrey defines herself as transparent. And thus ends my rant about the stupidity of Aubrey O’Day.

And if I had to pick any two celebs to be in the finals, it would probably be these two. And here’s why:

Arsenio: “I’m getting in yo ass.”

Clay: “You might want to rephrase that.”

Arsenio: “WHOA. Can we come back? That colloquialism was misunderstood!”

I love it I love it I love it.

Getting back on task (I’M SO PUNNY!), the two finalists were given the challenge of producing, hosting and selling tickets to a celebrity charity event, benefitting their specific charities. Each will sell tickets to raise money for the charity, create a 30 second charity awareness ad (PSA), and produce a variety show to entertain the guests. But this would be too much for one celebrity to tackle, so Arsenio and Clay were each given four celebrity helpers. Arsenio got first pick because he had won more challenges than Clay (primo example of the rules Trump lives by), and his team consists of: Adam Carolla, Lisa Lampanelli, Paul Teutul, Sr., and Teresa Giudice, otherwise known as “Team Comedy.” On Clay’s team we have Penn Jillette, Debbie Gibson, Dee Snider and Aubrey O’Day, otherwise known as “Team Music.” The winner of this final challenge will receive $250,000 for his charity, plus whatever he can fundraise for the event.

So the teams get down to business, and right away I think it becomes fairly clear that Team Arsenio has its stuff together. Adam Carolla puts his west coast “film crew” in gear to shoot Magic Johnson talking about the foundation for the PSA. Lisa Lampanelli is getting stuff done with writing and other creative matters. Paul and Teresa get to work fundraising (because they aren’t really good for much else), and things are cookin’. Meanwhile, on Team Clay, you have many strong (read: annoying as all hell) personalities, namely Aubrey O’Day and Debbie Gibson to contend with. Clay has put Penn in charge of the PSA, Aubrey in charge of the party/event itself, and Debbie in charge of the music. Also, you have Dee, contributing snide remarks, which I personally appreciate: “If you told me that I’d be singing “Baby Love” with Debbie Gibson in the 1980’s, I woulda punched you in the face.” God love him. Unfortunately, the whole “team” dynamic is more like a “GET OUT OF MY WAY OR I WILL KICK YOU IN THE SHINS” dynamic, with everyone fighting for creative control. And things keep going wrong—Clay can’t find a suitable area to film his PSA, Aubrey wants to paint the walls of the space and Clay doesn’t but Aubrey thinks she’s in charge, Debbie is stressed because she feels Clay isn’t appreciating her contributions, blah after blah after blah.

Things are going very smoothly on Team Arsenio—perhaps too smoothly? Oh wait, there it is. Adam Carolla’s “film crew” on the west coast is apparently made up of orangutans that cannot operate a camera, because they filmed the side of Magic Johnson’s head instead of his face as he delivers his message for the PSA. Awhoopsie! Not entirely sure how that’s going to work out…

… And we won’t find out until next week’s season finale of The Celebrity Apprentice!

So until then…

Thanks for reading, and as always, thanks for watching KPRC Local 2!