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The opening to Monday night’s episode of Smash was everything I love about Broadway and theater and people who are involved with those things. How else can one convey the excitement of creating something so complete, so detailed as an entire world put on stage than through song? …Wow. I just re-read that and said, out loud to myself, “Really, Dena?” Sometimes I out-cheese even myself. But if there was ever a place to do it, it is here! In the Smash section of the KPRC Prime Blog! So I shall cheese away.

And on that note, can I please express how much I love couples that harmonize? I wish I could invent a “Brangelina” style name for Tom and Sam, but their names are a syllable each and are already too similar... I digress. Sam brings Tom home to meet the family, quite a step in this, my favorite of all relationships to happen on this show, and perhaps TV in general (if we exclude Dawson’s Creek from this conversation entirely). Tom bonds with Sam’s father over their mutual worry that being a dancer isn’t exactly the most secure or lucrative of career paths for Sam. A tiff between Sam and Tom ensues, Sam reminds Tom that they’re both following their dreams; Tom thinks Sam is dreamy, they make up, and share a moment as Sam’s brother looks on, commenting rather loudly, “Oh lawd! Two boys kissin’!” Ah, family.

But back to the show. The cast and crew of Bombshell are now in tech in Boston, meaning all the rules of normal life are replaced with the Rules of Tech:

  1. Put your love life outside of the show on the shelf. From this moment forward, consider yourself like a theater nun—you are married to the show and all of those involved in it.
  2. Practice all lines and dance steps while you sleep. There is no time to lose, and the subconscious is a terrible thing to waste.
  3. If you insist on taking down time, make it productive. You could make like the Bombshell crew and channel all feelings or frustrations into a show-stopping solo song moment, for example.

And if disaster strikes during tech, you suck it up and figure it out. Quickly. So when the guy playing Joe DiMaggio quits the first day of tech because he was offered a role on a pilot (psh, who likes TV anyway? Get it? Because I work at a TV station and this is a TV show? I shoulda beena comedian), it was no surprise that Derek and Eileen quickly decided that Michael Swift, that gorgeous, talented homewrecker, should come back to play the part. Meanwhile, Julia is back at home trying to fix her broken family, unaware that the monkey-wrench with which the family was broken in the first place is coming back into the picture. As wonderful and charming and brilliant as Tom is, the most straightforward of people he is not. We can’t all be perfect. Eileen eventually goes back to New York to tell Julia herself, Julia threatens to quit, Eileen tells her to stop being selfish and Julia winds up in bed with a jar of peanut butter and a spoon. I don’t judge. We’ve all been there. Except I usually opt for Nutella. But then Frank and Leo, both of whom conveniently happen to be on spring break, tell Julia she can’t give up on her dream, and they all make their way down to Boston together as a Houston family unit.

Meanwhile, Rebecca is still awful and useless, but now she’s flirting with Derek, who may or may not have confessed his love to Ivy offhandedly? Rebecca sings him “Happy Birthday, Mr. Director” in full Marilyn regalia (not NEARLY as well as Karen, obviously), she feeds him cake, she makes out with him in her dressing room… DEREK! NO! Bad manslut! Bad. With Ellis at her side, Ivy tries to break up what she knows to be her boyfriend cheating on her with a movie star, but is thwarted by that weird, snaky agent guy Ellis hooked up with. Ivy = devastated. And what do we do when we’re devastated? We follow Rule of Tech #3 and have a show-stopping solo song moment. Ivy’s rendition of “I’m Going Down” is absolutely one of my favorite covers performed on this show. Period.

Just down the road in Infidelityville, Dev is getting a little too friendly with that reporter lady RJ, who comes over to console him as he watches his political/career aspirations crumble before his eyes while Karen is up in Boston. She brings booze, the lines get a little blurred, and they’re making out on the couch. DEV! NO! Bad manslut. Bad. Well, at least he didn’t sleep with her…? Is that supposed to make Karen (and by Karen I mean us, the female community) feel better?! I guess it’s like third degree cheating with the option of parole versus first degree cheating with the death penalty?( I’ve been watching a lot of Law & Order.) So Dev comes up to Boston to see Karen, clearly disobeying the first rule of Tech (see above). To any men out there reading this, a word of advice: a marriage proposal is not the best way to apologize for cheating. So, obviously, Karen is in tech and cannot deal with such matters. Dev = devastated.

So here we find the two of them, Dev and Ivy. He’s devastated. She’s devastated. They’re both in a bar, drinking their sorrows, feeling betrayed and unloved… nothing good can come from this. Only sex can come from this.

And wouldja look at that! Previews for next week open with Dev and Ivy, naked, in a bed together. This… could be awkward. But on the bright side, Rebecca gets poisoned (hopefully)! Perhaps dreams really do come true.

Thanks for reading, and as always, thanks for watching KPRC Local 2!