Almost every fast-food chain has one: A "giant monster bacon-wrapped 100-percent trans-fat-laden Artery Bomb."

Whatever names they actually use, these mammoths of the drive-through are the things the happy folks at the Center for Science in the Public Interest wave about like a red rag at a bullfight to raise a hue and cry about the dangers of fast food.

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There's no denying that these burgers are true nightmares of calories, fat, sodium and cholesterol. They are the "dare" foods: The ones your friends lay bets you won't be able to eat at 3 a.m. after a night of dissolute behavior.

And we love them. Whether it's the tarted-up pictures on the menu boards or the commercials featuring women making the act of eating one look like something out of the Kama Sutra, there is an allure to abandoning oneself to the consumption of something so completely unhealthy.

Which ones give the most bang for the buck? We took a look at the "fattest" item on each chains' menu. Nutritional information is included for each sandwich, although the faint of heart may wish to skip that.

Since I could not in good conscience ask anyone else to submit their arteries to the punishment, you'll have to trust me on the ratings for each food item. I've rated them using the old-fashioned A through F school scale on appearance and taste.

Hardee's Monster Thickburger: 1,410 calories, 47 grams carbs, 107 grams fat, 229 mg cholesterol, 2,740 mg sodium

This is the heaviest of all the burgers tested by a wide margin. Hardee's does not even tip its hat in the direction of anything like recognizable vegetation on the burger; This is just meat, cheese, bun and something that looked like mayonnaise but may have just been semi-congealed bacon grease.

And yet, for all that fat content, the burger was dry and the bacon fairly free of that bacony goodness that makes it the thinking carnivore's favorite burger adornment. It was a conundrum: The burger looked good, but the flavor just didn't match. I gave the Monster Thickburger a B+ for appearance but a D for flavor.

McDonald's Double Quarter-Pounder With Cheese: 740 calories, 40 grams carbs, 42 grams fat, 155 mg cholesterol, 1380 mg sodium

McDonald's is the one burger giant that hasn't truly committed to the "big burger" war. The Double Quarter-Pounder has remained essentially unchanged since it hit the menu many moons ago. And, surprisingly, as big burgers go, it's quite serviceable.

The meat, of course, is that oddly textured, vaguely gray mess found in most McDonald's burgers, but the onions are fresh, the pickles are generous and the bun at the very least average. I gave it a solid B for appearance and a C+ for taste.

Burger King Triple Whopper With Cheese: 1,230 calories, 52 grams carbs, 82 grams fat, 275 mg cholesterol, 1,590 mg sodium

The one flame-broiled entry in the big burger race did not disappoint. The patties were agreeably charred on the edges, the cheese was perfectly melted and -- wonder of wonders -- there were generous slices of fresh tomato. It was the messiest burger tested, but also the best tasting. It scored a B+ for appearance and an A for flavor. If you're looking to go off the dietary rails for a meal, this would be a great choice.

Wendy's Classic Triple With Cheese: 980 calories, 38 grams carbs, 59 grams fat, 215 mg cholesterol, 2,090 mg sodium

This burger reminded me of one I had years ago at a Little League cookout. Wendy's offering was freshly cooked, loaded with tomato, lettuce and onion, and served hot. However, when I tried to eat it the bun disintegrated and the whole heap of deliciousness ended up on my shirt.

Nobody expects a fast-food burger bun to be a bakery-fresh marvel, but it's got to have the structural integrity to contain whatever ingredients are placed within it. The Wendy's bun got soggy before the first bite. Trust me when I tell you it didn't get any better. This affected both appearance and flavor, resulting in a final score of C for looks and B for flavor. This one could have won handily for flavor if not for that wretched bun.

Jack In The Box Sirloin Bacon 'n Cheese Burger: 1,120 calories, 63 grams carbs, 73 grams fat, 190 mg cholesterol, 2,620 mg sodium

This burger was the closest to one that would come off my own backyard grill, except for the fact that it was nearly vulcanized and left far too dry. The bacon tasted like bacon, the lettuce, tomato and grilled (yes, grilled!) onions were tasty, and the bun was the best of the bunch. Jack's beauty notched an A for appearance, but the overcooked patty dropped it to a B for flavor.

SuperSonic Cheeseburger: 980 calories, 58 grams carbs, 64 grams fat, 165 mg cholesterol, 1,430 mg sodium

Everyone knows the best reason to go to Sonic is the tater tots, and this burger really didn't do much to change my opinion. The meat itself looks good, with an excellent char-grilled color to the edges. The bun, however, appears to have been run through an apparatus specially designed to smash it as flat as possible. I believe the picture on the menu board showed lettuce and tomato on the burger, but the one I was given had none. For appearance, that meat earns the burger points, but the absurdly flat bun drags it back down to a C+. For taste, the juicy burgers redeem the lack of veggies for a B.

None of these burgers matched anything off my backyard grill or from my beloved Five Guys, with the fried onions, mushrooms and jalapenos, but a couple of them came close. Flame-grilling, in the end, made the difference for Burger King, our winner. Other Links:

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