Before I had children, the other moms in the neighborhood barely noticed me. I interacted with the dog owners in the park, not the babymakers at the playground.

Then my belly popped, and I suddenly achieved legitimacy in their mommy eyes. I was actually excited to join this formerly elusive group. I wanted to be one of them.

Now, I juggle my time between the dogs and the babies, all the while wondering, "Where do I belong?" I still call my dogs babies, but the dog people notice my human ones, asking me questions as if they have never seen children before.

"How often do you have to wash them?"

In Mommyland, I find moms, sometimes with dogs, who only want to talk about baby stuff. It's great to have advice on naps and tips on easy foods, but being a mom doesn't mean that's all we are. I have work to discuss. And home improvements. Being moms also doesn't mean we all get along or that we have anything else in common.

I am often surprised when a run-in with another mom ends rudely or strangely.

"How old is your daughter?" I casually asked one woman using the baby swing.

"One," and then she looked away as if I annoyed her.

I am not sure why I thought motherhood would bond us in some way, that we would all give each other the head nod as we passed on the street. "What's up, Mom?" Before I became a parent I thought I was about to enter a special land with special status. I expected a secret handshake or something sisterly.

As much as I'd love to avoid the weirdo moms who refuse to put their toddlers down on the "dirty" playground or brag about their children's perfect sleeping habits, I need other moms. Without them, who would be my children's playmates?

Twins are built-in friends for each other. Sometimes I overhear mine cracking up at each other as I do housework and realize how lucky I am not to have to entertain them round the clock.

However, as they become more mobile, they need to spend time with other children. As twins, they may find it too easy to hang with each other, and not step out of their comfort zone when a strange baby shows up.

I used to hear the word "playgroup" and thought it sounded cheesy. The idea of parents forcing children to get together in sanctioned play time seemed unnecessary. Don't kids just play naturally?

But with busy schedules and rigid nap regimes, play time is not always easy to come by.

Playgroups are not a bad idea if they are done right. The right setting helps, but the right people matter most. The trick is to find moms who click, not just children. My kids get along with most people, so they can mix and mingle with any child -- minus the biters, of course.

But me? I am easy to get along with, but that doesn't mean I feel like hanging out with other women on a regular basis. I recently attended a playgroup a neighbor tried to form and realized that the women there weren't right for me.

I want to hang with people who make me laugh, who are relaxed about parenting, and who want to have a good time while their children play. Instead I found competitive moms or antisocial ones who would prefer to sit silently and watch their children play.

It would be easy if I had more friends with kids, but many of mine are still single. I never had to think about forming friendships before. In school my buds were my classmates; at work my co-workers. Friendships formed organically.

So here I am in my thirties and asking, "Who wants to go out and play?"

Then I find myself forcing friends with moms.

"She has a kid around a year old. Maybe we should get together."

I plan the gathering and then quickly learn we have nothing in common. Where are the moms who want to sip a glass of wine after a long day? Or the ones who want to go for a long walk without worrying about nap time?

I know a few of these cool moms, and I plan to focus on them rather than trying so hard to expand my mommyhood.

As my children grow and their social needs expand, I will stay open to finding moms who are as fun for me as their kids are for mine. At the end of the day, it's the children who benefit the most from playtime, but the moms can have their fun, too.