Dear DoubleTake,
I am a 56-year-old woman who has been out of the dating game for more than five years.
I recently have been feeling that I need to start dating again, but in the world of deception and lies, I feel uncomfortable.
I find it hard to talk to the opposite sex. I seem to clam up. I don't know what to say. I start to put up my guard.
I have been hurt in the past, and I can't seem to forget how much deception I dealt with. I would like to meet someone on a social basis without any intimacy starting off.
But I can't seem to stop being afraid. Am I afraid of myself? Any suggestions?

BETTY SAYS:

Start slowly. Instead of getting out into the "dating scene" right away, try signing up for classes that interest you or join a community club. After a few weeks, or months, perhaps you'll feel more comfortable talking to strangers.

If that goes OK, but you don't found anyone to ask out on a date, you may want to increase your prospects by signing up for an online dating service. These sites can be very effective in matching you with the right type of person.

Say that you do meet someone special online and decide to go out on a date. Make boundaries for yourself. Decide which topics of conversation are going to be OK and don't agree to a second date with anyone who seems sketchy.

Unfortunately, there's no test to find out if someone is deceptive. But if you take things step by step and get to know people at your own pace, there's a better chance that you will pick up on the little clues that we tend to overlook in the throes of lust. Just take your time, keep your standards in check and try to have fun on your dates.

EDDIE SAYS:

The world of deception and lies didn't start during your break from dating. Even if you were married for a long time before that, you always faced the risk of finding someone who would break promises or break your heart.

I may be a bit more cynical than Betty, generally, but I think most of the time people aren't trying to hurt others. They may be a bit thoughtless, or what they need may not be what you need, but the vast majority of people do not try to lie or cheat to get what they want. They just want to be happy, too.

So, yes, keep caution in mind at all times. But don't let it block you from finding someone to be with.

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Do you need a second -- and third -- opinion about a problem in your life? Ask Double Take and you'll get two points of view: one from Eddie, a married family man in his early 30s, and one from Betty, a single woman in her 20s.

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Double Take writers are not trained psychologists and their responses should not be taken as a substitute for professional advice. Double Take reserves the right to edit submissions. Double Take Archive:
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