Comedian Patton Oswalt has a message a year after his wife’s death: “It’s awful, but it’s not fatal.”
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The "Ratatouille" star has expressed his grief over the loss of his wife, Michelle McNamara, who died at age 46, throughout the past year in his stand-up routine and on social media.
His latest message is a retrospective on the year without his love. He wrote, “I'm one year into this new life -- one I never even imagined, and I can imagine some pretty pessimistic and dark contingencies, some stomach-freezing ‘what ifs.’ But not this one. This one had such a flat, un-poetic immediacy. The world gazes at you like a hungry but indifferent reptile when you're widowed.”
“Last night I took off my wedding ring. I couldn't bear removing it since April 21st, 2016. But now it felt obscene. That anonymous poem about the man mourning his dead lover for a year and a day, for craving a kiss from her ‘clay cold lips.’ I was inviting more darkness. Removing the ring was removing the last symbol of denial of who I was now, and what my life is, and what my responsibilities are. But it's not fatal.”
Through the memories of the experience, Oswalt brings in what he's learned in the past year.
“I've become friends with a lot of other people who share my tragedy,” Oswalt wrote. “We're an informal, subtle little club. No rankings or initiation ceremonies or secret handshakes. And no, we don't ‘see it in each other's eyes’ or ‘sense it without saying it.’ We went through something that transformed us but, for the most part, we keep it together. We lost someone who made us live better in the world. It would be an insult to them to suddenly live badly in this world."
“I plan things better. I'm more patient. I still sleep badly, and my weight and health need some work, but that's combat damage. There's got to be a way to fix those without being shitty to friends and strangers who are struggling with chaos. I'll try. “One year in. Another year starting. It's awful, but it's not fatal. Message received? Over and out.”
Read the full message below: