'The Other Boleyn Girl' (PG-13)(out of four)

Couples, take note: "The Other Boleyn Girl" is a dark, depressing historical thriller -- hardly the advertised romance that so many will be expecting.

Based on the novel by Philippa Gregory, the two Boleyn girls referred to in the title are young blond Mary (Scarlett Johansson) and her dark-haired elder sister Anne (Natalie Portman), siblings who are seen from the outset as little more than sexual vessels -- enticing party favors that, if used appropriately in seducing the King of England (Eric Bana), could help bring their family added rank and fortune.

It's a scheme concocted by their wretched uncle (David Morrissey), and endorsed by their weak-kneed father, Thomas (Mark Rylance). All the while, on the story's sidelines, we see the ways in which their mother, Lady Elizabeth (Kristin Scott Thomas), is mortified by their exploitation. But being the year it is (think early 16th century), women have very little say in matters of state or family. As goes Lady Elizabeth, the ignored and intimidated wife, so go her two girls as well.

At the story's center is yet a third woman, the Queen of England. who has thus far proven able to give birth to only daughters. As one stillborn boy has given way to another, the King and his Royal Court have grown increasingly frustrated and concerned, terrified that there will be no male heir to inherit the kingdom.

When yet another would-be son is declared dead on arrival, Mary and Anne's uncle, a nobleman in the king's good graces, hatches a plot: Thomas has two gorgeous girls. If he can somehow get the King to sleep and impregnate one of them with a male fetus, then the King will be indebted to the Boleyns forever.

Inviting the King to the Boleyn estate, he charges Anne with seducing the king -- with whoring herself out for the family. When she fails in her charge, and the king shows interest for Mary -- a girl already married -- the plan changes. Her uncle orders Mary to cheat on her husband.

There's so much erratic back and forth, so much romance and rejection, that there's never quite time for characters in "Boleyn Girl," as years of turmoil are squeezed into just over 90 minutes of screen time.

A casualty of this crowded, rushed, streamlined storyline is an A-list cast that can't find a way of breaking through a flurry of thunderous speeches and rapid-fire editing. In movies like "Lost in Translation," Johansson has given audiences touching, sympathetic characters nursing ailing hearts, but here she's never given the needed screen time to bring to life Mary's early euphoria, nor her later heartache.

Similarly, in movies like "Garden State," we've seen Portman do more than just play cute; she's all but dictated the romance as the confidant, charismatic lead. Yet in "Boleyn Girl," as Anne, Portman doesn't get the space she needs to make this character more than just a string of clichés -- from doting sister to cold-blooded temptress.

With such one-dimensional characters, director Justin Chadwick falls into the same trap as Mary and Anne's father. Much as the men of their time viewed these sisters as mere props, so does this movie fail to see in them anything beneath the surface. Hearts are broken and fulfilled, necks are kissed and cut, and yet through it all, we're never given time to bond with our flawed heroines.

And while there's something refreshing about a historical epic that doesn't sugarcoat the past, seeing the era instead through the gritty lens of reality, "Boleyn Girl" is no less flimsy than all those soap operas -- more serious, but every bit as superficial.